Blackbird ArchiveA Knowledge of Crisis
A Knowledge of Crisis
For me, inspiration for writing comes from many sources. Sometimes a piece runs along a theme I find myself exploring, carrying from one piece to another with subtle variations in meaning, setting, and tone. Sometimes a piece is an organic thing, growing from the small seed of a wondering—two strangers seen in juxtaposition, an overheard snippet of conversation or conflict, a fact of history or science tantalizing in what it might mean for humanity. And sometimes it is the refrain I hear when I think of someone known to me, or someone known only in part, someone I imagine in a future or situation of my own making. Such was the case with the story “She Negative.”
I have worked in HIV-associated dementia research for ten years. One of the recurrent research participants was a woman who was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever been privileged to know. Despite her difficult past—one that would damn her in the eyes of many—she was joyful and positive, steeped in her faith, her community, and her roles as a mother. But my writerly, critical eye also saw her as many outsiders might have seen her, taking her at face value. They would see her colorful appearance as flamboyant, her nonstop testimonials as tedious, and her simple, open friendliness as too forward for comfort. This imagined, superficial perspective became a character: the woman’s toddler—often brought in to research appointments—transformed into a young woman in the throes of her own crisis of identity and connection.
The story took over seven years to write; at times I thought I would never finish it. Early drafts had been skewered by feedback that made me wrestle with questions of appropriation and consent. These were further complicated by how my inspiration was a woman blessed with a beautiful spirit, but also struggling with dementia; the shallow depth of my knowledge of her world only allowed a one-dimensional portrait. That all changed during one research visit when the woman arrived in crisis. A three-hour visit became six, and my role became confessor and shoulder to cry on. Her trust in me, and the depth of sorrow she shared, brought me catharsis and understanding that I hope is reflected in the story. It also confirmed for me the importance of care in medical research: any proceeds from this story’s publication will be donated to further HIV research.
Graham Hillard’s poetry and fiction has appeared in The Believer , Image Journal , Notre Dame Review , and Blackbird , among others. He has received an individual artist fellowship from the Tennessee Arts Commission, a Tennessee Williams Scholarship from the Sewanee Writers' Conference, and several residence fellowships from the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. He is an associate professor of English at Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville, Tennessee.
Cindy King’s work has appeared in Callaloo , North American Review , River Styx , The American Literary Review , and elsewhere. Her poetry can be heard at weekendamerica.publicradio.org and cortlandreview.com. She has received a Tennessee Williams Scholarship from the Sewanee Writers' Workshop and the Agha Shahid Ali Scholarship in Poetry from the Fine Arts Work Center. She is an assistant professor of English at Dixie State University. Photo by Tom Jungerberg
Caitlin McGill’s essays and flash fiction have appeared or are forthcoming in Crab Orchard Review , Iron Horse Literary Review , Short, Fast, and Deadly , The Southeast Review , and elsewhere. She has won a 2016 St. Botolph Club Foundation Emerging Artist Award in Literature, a 2016 Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference scholarship, and the 2014 Rafael Torch Nonfiction Literary Award. She is working on a memoir in essays, one of which, “Silent Interrogations,” was named a Notable Essay in The Best American Essays 2016 (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016). Photo by Ben Barnhart
Colin Orr holds an MFA in creative writing from the University of Pittsburgh. This is his first published story. Photo by Katie McDevitt
Dustin Pearson’s work has appeared or is forthcoming in Bayou Magazine, Bennington Review , Noctua Review , Yemassee , and elsewhere . He was awarded the 2015 Katharine C. Turner Prize from the Academy of American Poets, and has received fellowships from The Watering Hole, Cave Canem, and the Virginia G. Piper Center for Creative Writing. He is an MFA candidate at Arizona State University, where he serves as the editor of Hayden's Ferry Review .
Heidi Vornbrock Roosa’s work has appeared in The Normal School , Pear Noir! , and Whistling Shade , among other journals. She completed her MA in fiction at Johns Hopkins University, where she is now adjunct faculty in the MA in writing and MA in teaching writing programs. She also coordinates research in HIV-related dementia for the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. She lives in Columbia, Maryland. Photo by Michael Roosa